Summer time!

Summer time for me is the time to relax! I love long lazy days when the biggest activity on our daily schedule is lunch. We go to the pool, we go to the library, we go to the park, we just lay outdoors with nothing at all to do. I have to admit, I honestly love to hear the first "I'm bored" of summer. That's exactly what I want, enough free hours of the day that some are just a little bit boring.

That said, I accidentally did over schedule us a bit this summer. We have a great local Girl Scout camp that even my boys can go to if I volunteer to help (with bonus reduced rates for my Girl Scouts). Last year we had such a blast that at sign up time back in February, I thought if one week is great, two would be even better! It all would have been fine except due to snow days, the last day of school was pushed back an entire week in June. My older kids had exactly 4 days (including a Saturday and Sunday) before they were back on a bus with a full day of activities ahead of them. Therefore camp has been really hard on all of us so far and I'm praying by the skin of our teeth, we all survive the second week. So much for camp being a little change from boring "do nothing" summer days, we haven't even had them yet!

Along the same lines of the school year being so busy with activities, sports, and homework, it can also be a very expensive period with supplies, field trips, and fees. So I like to keep summer as cheap as possible. The library has fantastic (free!) programs, the park is always available, and even browsing through Target or a Dollar Store can only be $1 per child if I let them pick something little out. We also like to camp at different places that are within a few hours drive for a quick weekend out of the house. It's a great (inexpensive) way to see new places while enjoying the outdoors.

Come on summer, give me boring!


Katie Fleck is a stay at home mom of five, Zach (9 years), Emily and Ally (8 year old identical twins), Kyle (5 years), and Kelly (4 years old). On a quest for a self cleaning house and 27 hour days, she writes at Ramblings of a SAHM

Summer at our house

Summertime means no more school at home for my teenage twins. (Hooray!) They join my 9-year old public school son on summer break and we all forget about verbs and equations. I don't even require any summer reading, though one of my sons will read his way through the summer. (He'd read through every meal if we let him.)

Summer would mean sleeping in--finally, since my youngest is almost 5 years old now--but, alas, I've been getting up at 6:15 a.m. to walk for an hour in the mornings with a walking buddy. While I love accomplishing my daily exercise so early, I do sacrifice a lazy morning schedule. The teenagers, age 14, sleep late into the mornings . . . which is funny because when they were babies and toddlers, they woke up with the sun every morning. (I am not a morning person.) I vowed then that when they were teens I would exact my revenge by working loudly outside their bedroom door, but as it turns out, I like having a quiet morning, free of teenagers. Let them sleep!

Summer is rather short around here. We finished school only last week. Our last day was June 21 because last winter we had four snow days. (Very unusual here in the Pacific Northwest.) The kids go back to school on August 30, so we're trying to cram in some family fun before it's back to pencils and books.

In two weeks, our whole family will participate in our church's Vacation Bible School program (the theme this year is Avalanche Ranch). This will be my sixth year directing it and hopefully, my last for awhile. My oldest kids will be volunteers and my youngest two will participate. We'll miss the last day, though, because on Friday the 13th, we're leaving for California.

This will be our first car-trip, a two day journey south to Anaheim where my husband has business meetings. We're going to Disneyland, among other things (as yet, unplanned). I have barely begun to plan the trip as my head is full of Vacation Bible School details.

When we return, July will be mostly over and we'll have only a month left of summer. In that month, I hope to take the kids to the ocean (a two hour drive), to Seattle via ferry-boat (we did that last year and had such fun), and perhaps to visit some friends who live on a lake.

My kids don't go to camps, workshops, classes or anything like that. When we're not off gallivanting, they play with neighborhood friends or fight, I mean, play with each other. We belong to a private pool club, so we try to take them swimming every day.

Sometimes, I think about how many summers I have left with my teenagers (four more, after this one) and I can hardly bear the thought. Other times, I think God makes teenagers so obnoxious that you aren't sorry to see them grow up. (Today, I'm thinking the latter.)

Summer's fly by so much quicker now than they did when I was a child. I do my best to make sure we create some memories to keep us warm when the nights turn dark and cold.

* * *

Melodee blogs about her life at Actual Unretouched Photo and about her diet at The Amazing Shrinking Mom. She has four kids, three cats and a lot of dandelions.

How we spend our summer vacations...

For the next couple of weeks at largerfamilies.com, we'll be writing about how we spend our summer vacations. For many of us, summer is a break from schedules and lessons; a time to relax and unwind. For others, camps, sports, or vacations keep us on the move. No matter the summer modus operandi in your household, having a big family can sometimes complicate things: how do you accomodate conflicting sports schedules, keep track of everyone at the beach, or keep a box of popsicles around for more than a day? (or, in this household, more than an hour...especially when neighbor kids are involved.)


Do you like your home to be the "hangout spot" for your kids' friends, or do you find that it gets too chaotic? Do you try to get your kids involved in sports and camps that coordinate well with one another, or just let them sign up for what they want and then try to sort it all out later? Do you find that you have to stick to your regular routines in order to keep everything from melting down, or do you allow some summer laziness to creep into your bedtimes, dinner times and chore schedules?



As for me, in the past I've always looked at summer as a no-holds-barred excuse for staying up late, sleeping in (when possible) and, in general, being extremely disorganized, unmotivated, and sometimes even downright lazy. Of course, it's hard to keep my uber-relaxed attitude from spilling over into deadlines, housework, and parenting, and I've noticed that as the kids get older it isn't always pleasant around here if I let get things get too lax...especially if I'm too relaxed about chores, mealtimes or bedtimes. So this year, for the first time, I'm trying to keep from letting the entire system break down entirely...easier said than done, considering we've just moved, still have half-full boxes everywhere and haven't yet adjusted to the time change. I figure, though, that keeping the kids more or less in their basic routine will allow them to have *more* summer fun because they'll be rested, their blood sugar levels won't be going crazy, and they'll be living in a house that's at least reasonably clean.



And as far as neighborhood kids go...well, usually I love for our house to be the hangout spot, but I'm finding it all very overwhelming this year. As previously mentioned, that could have something to do with the boxes everywhere, or it could be that the move has reduced our popsicle-buying budget so much that I'm feeling a bit stingier than usual. So I'm trying to kick the kids outside whenever possible, and encouraging them to play at their friends' houses as much as they play in ours...a switch considering I usually have an open-door policy for buddies.



As far as camps go? Well, my older kids are each scheduled for one camp...at the very end of the summer. I'm sure they'll love it, if they haven't killed each other yet.



But I'm looking forward to seeing how others are spending their summer vacation this year. Lazy and slow? Full of activity? Travel adventures? Do share!



--Meagan is a mom of four. She also blogs at Equilibrium.

Ducks in a Row

After reading the previous posts on our current topic, I feel a little unqualified to post much. You see, I don't take my whole brood with me on errands often. We don't eat out often. In fact, it's only been in recent months that I've found it at all enjoyable to go someplace with my 3 littles (now 7, 4.5 & 4.5) without having one of the bigger ones to help me.

My husband, thankfully, does most of the grocery shopping for us. He often takes one or two of the kids with him. He enjoys having time with just that child, and it's definitely fun for them to have the one-on-one time and attention.

With the age spread of kids that I have, coupled with the homeschooling factor, I've been able to leave the littles home with the older ones if I need (want) to. When the kids were younger, though, and the twins were old enough to be out of the double stroller, I usually did the buddy system (each of the olders would take one of the twins, and I would take miss extra-active-middle-child).

I guess my style has been more "divide and conquer" and "know your limitations" than anything else. ;-)

_____________

Bonny is a homeschooling mom to five kids (14, 12, 7, 4.5 & 4.5)

Out and About with Lil' Ones

It’s been fun reading the other posts about running errands/going on outings with kids! Now, here’s my $.02:

I don’t mind taking my four kids (ages 1, 2, 4, and 6) most places, but there are certain situations I avoid. For example I refuse to run a bunch of quick little errands in a row with all of my children. It just isn’t worth the time or hassle to get all four in and out of car seats and boosters just to drag them in real quick, drag them back out, buckle them back up, drive a few minutes and do it again over and over.

Longer errands and outings are more my style when taking my crew. It’s all about preparation and having the right supplies (snacks, a toy to distract them, wipes in my purse, and a few diapers left in the car) and the right state of mind (explaining to them where we are going, what we are doing, and what is expected of them, as well as reminding myself that they are kids and patience is a virtue ;-). I’ve also learned a few tricks that I’ll share here:

-When dining out with your children by yourself ALWAYS take them to the bathroom right when you get there. You don’t want to be interrupted half-way through your meal by an “I have to go to the bathroom” and then have to take everyone along with you.

-Double strollers are great when you have a toddler and a baby, but sometimes single strollers (especially umbrella) work the best. A good example is children’s doctor’s visits. Many double strollers are just too bulky to squeeze through the hallways and fit in the room. A single stroller will fit just fine and you can use it to wheel the baby in while you carry your toddler on your hip or he/she can walk. Then when it’s time for the baby to be seen by the doctor, you can buckle the toddler in the stroller so he/she isn’t running around when you’re busy with the doctor.

-Little rewards work well, but saving them for the end isn’t always best. For example if I’m at Target, I don’t mind spending a few bucks on a matchbox car for each boy and a new notepad for my daughter. Instead of waiting until the end to give it to them we hit these aisles first. My kids are so distracted with the excitement of holding their new toy that they get to open once we check out that they let me finish my shopping in peace (knowing full well that they won’t get their reward if they misbehave). I think this works better for my kids because they are young and waiting for a reward that would come at the end of running errands for a few hours is too far off to have any real value.

-Throwing another adult in the mix doesn’t always help. You’d think that an extra adult equals more help, but not necessarily. Many kids quickly learn to take advantage of the adults interacting. If I have my sister, a friend, or even my husband with me my kids know that I’ll be busy talking. Let’s face it, I’m distracted and they know it. Therefore, they tend to act up more knowing they can possibly get away with more because I won’t be paying as much attention. Now this doesn’t mean that you can’t ever have other adults with you, but try to take your kids to these places with just you sometime first. This gives you the opportunity to explain what’s right and wrong in these situations (like a restaurant, the zoo, the grocery store, etc) and therefore they will understand the boundaries. Of course they will still try to “push it” more when you are distracted by another adult, but at least when you quickly interrupt your adult conversation to say “sit down in your seat” they’ll already understand why and know the consequences if they don’t.

So, there you have it…some of the tricks I’ve learned about being out and about with four little ones. I’m guessing that this is one of those areas of parenting that really does get easier the older the kids get. A mom can hope, right!?!

Jennifer is a freelance writer, wife, and mother of four in Toledo, Ohio.

We Do It All!

I take all eight of my kids everywhere I go. Shocked? Surprised? Wondering if I have completely lost my mind?

My husband and I, from the day our children each came into our home, have taught them to respect others and to respect the places we enter. This has worked out pretty good and it does require occasional tweaking, but overall, the children do exceptionally well.

I take all the kids to the store, the library, the post office, the DMV, the health club, to doctor and clinic appointments, and even to my annual GYN exam and subsequent mammogram.

During the doctor and clinic visits, they sit quietly in the waiting room and do workbooks or read, eat a snack if they get hungry and are able to conduct themselves in an acceptable manner. They don’t run around in the waiting room, crawl under the chairs, or bother the other people.

In stores, they stay on the right side of the aisle, the boys hold the doors open for women and the elderly, they never beg for candy or gum at the check-out, and they always tell the cashier to have a nice day.

Now they do have their limits when it comes to errands.

• I cannot take them to more than four places in one trip.
• I must have a focused purpose for each stopping point.
• They must take part in the selection of the items we are buying.
• They HAVE to know the cost of each item, so they can comment on the exorbitant pricing.
• They must be responsible for their assigned partner in the store.
• If they say we need something, I trust them, because they know EXACTLY what is in our pantry and refrigerator.

Why do I take them with me? Two reasons. (1). We cannot afford a sitter for eight children and (2). They need to learn how to act in public.

I have one hard, fast rule about behavior in public – if they cannot conduct themselves appropriately, we leave – immediately. No warnings. We just leave. We have left the swimming pool, an amusement park, a restaurant, birthday parties, and have even left a full cart of groceries in the grocery store, after an apology to the store manager.

It usually takes leaving one place/event per child before they learn that I am not kidding. I do not have to threaten them, yell at them or lecture them – usually. They know I will leave at the drop of a hat. And if we have to leave, all subsequent activities for that day are cancelled.

The perpetrator is forced to suffer the accusing eyes and the shaking pointer fingers of their siblings which is a fate worse than anything I could muster. I personally would hate to have seven other kids mad at me for ruining their day!

It is a hard lesson, but one that we feel is vital to their existence in society. I consider each outing a lesson in developing their character. The success in this is evident from the numerous positive comments I get from strangers, frequent invitations to events where all our children are included, and just the overall, stress-free experience I have when running errands.

Now, if only I could get them to behave so well at home!!

Read more about Sharon’s ever expanding, somewhat chaotic family at Hearts of Hope.

Ten Tips for Grocery Shopping With Kids

1. Go soon after breakfast or lunch, when everyone still has energy and isn't constantly fighting. I have found both my mood, and their moods tend to be better when it isn't end of the day. My worst shopping trips are around 5pm.
   
2. The sling always was a life-saver for me, when I had a tiny baby. It was great to have my hands free to deal with the others, and the baby tended to be happier in sling than in car seat or other seats. I got really good at carrying screaming toddler in one arm, while pushing cart with 2 kids and having baby in sling.
   
3. Set clear expectations for what is, and what is not acceptable in grocery store. Follow through on non-acceptable behavior.
   
4. Have the kids help you make a grocery list at home, and just buy the things that were agreed upon. Yes, this is assuming you actually USE a grocery list. I like to think that some of us moms are organized at least, even if I am not.
   

   
   

5. Give the kids things to do in the store, things like 'While you decide on, and grab our cookies, I'll get the eggs and cheese', or 'Could you put ten apples in this bag?'
   
6. Enlist the older kids to help with the younger ones, just little things that make a big difference. 'Could you make sure the toddler doesn't pull down all the eggs from that shelf?'
   
7. From an early age, we have expected the kids to help put away the groceries. This was after I realized that there was no reason that *I* would have to do all that work by myself, while everyone else in the house was eating those groceries too.
   
8. Make sure to stress to the kids that this is a community effort and that mom doesn't particularly like to grocery shop either. It is one of those things that needs to happen to keep the household running smoothly. Even if you'd rather sit around and read all day.
   
9. We often buy a treat that we can eat at home AFTER the groceries have been put away. This can be strawberries, fruit, some special pudding, or whatever works for your kids.
   
10. The most important one: Sneak in some chocolate for yourself with the groceries ^^ After the groceries have been put away, time for a mommy time-out with tea and chocolate.
    

Karen homeschools her seven kids in New England and writes about her family at Our Deer Baby blog.

Just how many kids can you cram into a grocery cart?

The answer is 4 young children or babies.

But first you need to find a good store that has the proper carts. Not the tiny little pretend cars, what you need is one with the extra big honking plastic seat (or bench) attached to the front. 2 go there (usually my twins). The next child goes in the child seat. And finally the baby in her infant seat is placed in the cart itself and buried under food. (Not really buried, just artfully covered by light items.) No carts like that available? Then put two in the bin (any mush-able groceries, put below), another in the child seat, and the 4th (the lightest) goes in a baby carrier/backpack. Safety wise, you should be okay with a child in the bin as long as they aren't climbers. I really don't like kids standing on the outsides of carts, I've had an empty one tip when my oldest jumped on for fun.

I've learned over the years the tricks are to plan only 3 stops and always have an exit plan. Sometimes you can get away with a 4th or 5th errand but by that point even I was tired of loading and unloading everyone into strollers and the van. It's important to know the exits, restrooms, and be ready to leave your purchases at a moment's notice when everything goes to hell in a hand basket (let an employee know if you are leaving a cart of frozen/refrigerated items though). I'm not above a good bribe if it's going to be a long errand running day, plan your last stop at a location with snack food or small toys/books. Along that same line, it's best to run errands after a meal but not near nap time. Cranky hungry tired children are not going to behave for all the ice cream at Baskin Robbins.

Best of luck and you could always do what I did. Move somewhere with grocery delivery!


Katie Fleck is a stay at home mom of five, Zach (9 years), Emily and Ally (8 year old identical twins), Kyle (5 years), and Kelly (4 years old). On a quest for a self cleaning house and 27 hour days, she writes at Ramblings of a SAHM

Shopping Mechanisms

Oh, people, people, people. I would love to give a really insightful explanation to the question of how I am able to take my children everywhere, but then I would just be posing as a mom who has it all under control….and that’s just a big fat lie.

So I give you coping mechanisms;

1.While in the car going to the grocery store to shop for a weeks worth of food, channel you inner calm. Don’t dish out meaningless threats like, “If you all don’t behave in the store, then I won’t buy food and we’ll all starve to death right here in the parking lot!”

2.Take a box of tiny animal shaped crackers off the nearest shelf, hand it to your children to appease the little darlings’ need to reenact the story of Hansel and Gretel.

3.Get your aerobic workout in while kicking the Hansel and Gretel trail of crackers underneath the shelving displays so you can’t be tracked down by management.

4.When your children take on the form of the Tasmanian Devil, pretend like you don’t know them, give them seething looks like, “Who on earth is your mother and why isn’t she making you behave!” And say this out loud if people are eyeing you suspiciously.

5.When you’re in a super big hurry and you don’t have time to search the racks of clothing for your little lost sheep; take beautiful grosgrain ribbon and tether your children to the sides of the cart, take care that the ribbons match their Crocs and finish each child with a proper bow. If your presentation is beautiful, people will be less startled and led to believe that you’re just another trendy mom.

6.Call the store to notify them you are on your way so they can start removing all the items in the checkout lane that your children are bound to destroy and you refuse to purchase. If the store refuses to bow to your command, then allow your toddler to have a full out tantrum in the check out lane while your other children practice their juggling skills with the packets of gum and bobble head dolls until the management can’t take it anymore and caves to all your shopping demands.

7.Got a kid that you want to ride in the front of the cart, but their too big? Grease ‘em up. That’s right, take a stick of butter out of your cart and start to slather, they’ll slide right out and you’ll avoid the scraped legs and the screaming. You’ll be able to shove your kid in there until they graduate from high school.

8.Store all your children’s shoes in the car. Seriously, then when you show up to the restaurant and your four year old says, “Oh, I forgot to put on my shoes.” You simply reach in the back of the van a pull out a pair for him…there ya go.

9.Create a belt for each child that can hold every electronic device made to mankind. Buy all the batteries within a ten mile radius of your house to avoid blackout times. Let you children sit glued to the electronic screen in the car, doctor’s office, restaurant, zoo, museum, church, family reunion, swimming pool….really it works just about anywhere.

10.Smile through the agony. They eventually grow up and fly away.

April can be found spouting sarcasm at April Showers

Grocery shopping with kids? No thanks!

We thought, for the next two weeks, that we'd answer this question that was asked of us by the beautiful and talented Heather, who writes:

"I have a question for the blog and it's along the lines of what you all are blogging about this week. I asked it here on my blog: http://itstwinsanity.blogspot.com/2007/05/question-for-moms.html but it doesn't just apply to moms of multiples. Anyone with several young children could answer. I am trying to figure out how everyone does simple things like grocery shopping? Running an errand? I'd love to hear what the LF bloggers suggest.

I had a girlfriend once tell me that I inspired her. You see, I take my kids just about everywhere. I don't let the fact that there are six of them keep me from going places by myself with them - if I did, I'd never go anywhere except for a fast trip to the looney bin. We go to the beach, the park, the church fair, the local children's hospital for appointments - really, just about anywhere I need to go, I pack up the kids and the water bottles and go.

Did you notice the one place I left off of that list? You are correct; I never EVER go to the grocery store with all six of my kids. The few times I've done this, the screams of agony from my mouth could be heard for miles and miles. My kids split up in the grocery and go twelve different directions, each of them grabbing food and supplies, tossing them into the cart. They run races with each other down the frozen food aisles, and play hopscotch over the black tiles. Sometimes, they comment (not discreetly) about the items in other carts.

I have certain parameters for the foods I buy. We don't eat High Fructose Corn Syrup or Trans Fats, and we severely limit white pastas and white sugar and flour. In addition to these restrictions, I have one child deathly allergic to tree nuts, coconut and peanut, two children and myself milk intolerant. This restrictions mean that I spend a LOT of time reading labels. That's tough to do when one kid is hanging from the toilet paper display, trying to prove that one brand is more sturdy. Or if your daughter decides to climb out of the cart and sneak over to the lunch meats and bite them through the package. Or they try to sneak candy and chips into the cart, blowing your careful budget to smithereens.

Not that those things have ever happened to me. No way, Jose. Instead, I take my iPod, my list and a sugarfree soy latte, and make an event of shopping.

It's not much, but I'll take what me time I can get.

- - -

When she's not folding socks or driving carpool, Carmen can be found drinking coffee and furiously blogging about her life with six kids over at Mom to the Screaming Masses and her 70 pound weight loss, exercise and diet choices over at The Elff Diet

--

Shopping, Schlepping, et cetera...

Recently the largerfamilies bloggers received the following question from Heather of It's Twinsanity, who also posed the question writing a book on how big families live--oh, okay, and I'm feeling lazy because we just moved across several states and I've been sick--I'm going to paraphrase a couple of its tips about shopping here:

*trade off with a friend. I don't necessarily mean having her babysit while you shop and vice versa, though that can work, too. I mean physically trade children while you both shop at the same time. Since kids are really good at figuring out Mom's weak moments--like during the stress of grocery shopping with several kids in tow--a strong-willed tot hoping to make a statement or establish independence can make shopping a miserable experience. But my kids are a lot less likely to "test" a family friend by, say, pulling all the canned corn off the shelves than they are their own mothers. You can also use this principle to change up the mix of kids, by splitting up two that might have conspired to get into trouble together.

*Give them something to do. Older kids can push their own cart--with or without a younger sib strapped in--and take over part of the shopping list. Younger kids can "help" by holding the shopping list. Do something to keep them engaged.

Of course, while it's inevitable that I sometimes have to grocery shop with all the kids along, being surrounded by a bunch of other people while I'm trying to concentrate on coupons and per-ounce prices can make me very cranky, and I prefer to shop alone or with just one of them. Just a personal preference, and I know a lot of moms who enjoy shopping with all their kids. On the other hand, I don't have many qualms about taking all my kids to a (carefully-chosen) restaurant, and I know a lot of parents who would rather not venture into a dining establishment, fine or not-so-fine, with their kids. So over the next two weeks, we're going to be answering the question: how do you run errands, shop, eat out, etc, with all your kids--and what won't you do with them along?

--Meagan also blogs at Equilibrium and the Chicago Moms Blog.

Coping after a new addition to the family

For the last couple weeks we've been sharing stories about our most difficult transitions when adding more children to our families. A few years back Melissa Fay Greene, author of There is No Me Without You, wrote an interesting article about mega-families called The Family Mobile. In it she compared a growing family to a mobile.

"I imagine a homely contraption of wire hangers and dangling threads with plastic dolls swinging at their ends. In times of tranquillity, the mobile is balanced, the dolls turning lightly, as in a breeze. ...when a new child arrives, through birth or adoption, the family is thrown into disequilibrium. When you tie on another doll, or two... the thing goes haywire -- the arms of the mobile tilt precariously, the threads tangle and knot, the figurines spin and crash together and some threaten to slip off. I imagine the sound our wind chime makes in the gales of a storm. "

This is a great picture to keep in mind after adding a new family member. Certainly adopting a couple of older children, like my husband and I are in the process of doing, will throw the balance of a family off for awhile. But even an infant changes the order of things. Suddenly the two year old has to wait while the baby nurses. You find yourself less tolerant of the six year old's tantrums--shouldn't she have outgrown them by now? And your husband's needs for conversation with his wife are trumped by your need to sleep anytime the baby is sleeping.

Over the years of adding to our family, I've found some things that have helped me cope with the added stress, to survive until the jangling of the family mobile settles down and family life reaches a new normal.

1.) First of all, accept help anytime anyone offers. Ask them to bring a lasagna, run a child to soccer practice, or fold part of Mount Laundry. But don't feel guilty about doing all the baby-cuddling yourself. You are the momma.

2.) Accept help from your partner, and don't expect it all to be done exactly the way you would. Kids benefit from both dad-style parenting and mom-style parenting, and they certainly don't always need matched outfits or perfect ponytails or 8 p.m. on-the-dot bedtimes.

3.) Catnap when you can, in the afternoon when your baby naps, or just before dad brings home pizza while your kids watch a movie. Even 20 minutes on the couch can be really restorative.

4.) Take a walk every day. The fresh air will rejuventate your body and your mind. If it's too hot during the day, try a 10 minute walk at bedtime while your husband supervises bath time. Or bring the whole family with you. Getting out is more important than reaching some target heartrate.

5.) Eat chocolate every day. Good chocolate. For medicinal purposes, of course. Hide it in the oatmeal cannister if you have to.

6.) Take ONE day at a time and trust that things will gradually get better. You will sleep again someday. Your family will settle down and find its new normal. That new normal won't be quite like before, but the addition of a new family member is sure to make your life even richer and more interesting than before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary is the mother of 8 children ranging in age from 2 to 19. She and her husband are awaiting ther arrival of two more daughters from Ethiopia, ages 11 and 9. She also writes at Owlhaven and at her Ethiopia Adoption Blog.

Ch-ch-changes

(That footprint picture has nothing to do with this post. It was one that was to be part of my Mother's Day post ... until one of my kids played with my camera and left it on the floor of my husband's closet.)

I'm the mom of five who always says that it was that first baby who pushed me over the edge. She was an "easy" baby, by all standards, but really, the transition from no kids to one kid, wow. My whole world was turned upside down! Fast forward 9 years, I could see why people who have twins the first time around don't have more kids.

My easiest transition, hands down, was from two to three. Everyone had told me that THAT would be the hardest, as my husband and I would be outnumbered. They also said it would be challenging to go back to having one in diapers again (our older two kids were 6 and 4 at the time). As luck would have it, our two children thought that their little sister was just about the coolest thing in the world (until she hit toddlerhood, of course) and were more than ready and willing to accommodate her every desire.

Then, well, yes. We had the twins. That was a stressful time for our family. We were blessed with a great deal of support from family and friends. That seems to be the key for just about everything in life, doesn't it?

The fact that I've relaxed a whoooole lot since having that first bundle of joy definitely hasn't hurt, either. The days of checking and rechecking the diaper bag and frequently sanitizing, well, EVERYTHING have been replaced by comments like, "is everyone buckled?" (check) "Does everyone have underwear one?" (double check). And off we go. A few kids in to the game, I definitely learned to roll with the punches a whole lot more, and just enjoy my kids. I wish I'd learned that a few kids earlier.

_______

Bonny is a homeschooling mom to five kids (14, 12, 7, 4.5 & 4.5)

"What's one more?"

I know many parents ask this question once they reach a certain number of children. For me that number was two. Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest transition I experienced. It had nothing to do with the actual baby. All of my kids have been easy babies (they make up for it as toddlers). It’s just that it was at this point that I was outnumbered (at least during the day), I felt like I never had enough hands, and I always looked like I didn’t have it all together when I was out in public with my newborn and 21-month-old. It was also during this time that my medical transcription business (which I did from home without any childcare help) really took off and my husband was working long hours. I had previously been a very organized person but as soon as baby #2 entered our house, so did chaos.

I don’t really know when things got better. I think I just got used to looking like “I had my hands full” (yes I got those comments even then), and, like most marginally sensible creatures, I adapted. So when #3 came along just two years later I felt like a pro at this parenting thing. Thanks to another easy baby and a seasoned mom we were blessed with a smooth transition. So smooth in fact that I even started babysitting up to 5 more children when I ended my medical transcription business. Thanks to this experience I truly felt that the expression “What’s one more?” had real validity. So when baby#3 was just 7 months old, we said let’s go for another!

Now, here I sit exactly one year after #4 was born (Happy Birthday Tyler!). He’s been the easiest baby yet, and although the transition from 3 to 4 has still been rather easy, adding that 4th child in five years did not go unnoticed. I’d say the overall noise level in the house is greater, getting four kids in and out of car seats gets to be a bit much, and I have had occasions where I needed to stop and come up with a strategic plan to function with all of them in public (like taking them all out to dinner by myself, or shopping without strollers, etc.). All-in-all I think this really has more to do with having four small children (especially with the last two just 17 months apart) than having four children in general.

So are we going to be saying “What’s one more?” again? Nope. Thanks to what appears to be lupus I knew going into this phase of my life that my body couldn’t handle too many pregnancies into my 30’s (I’m 32). But the underlying blessing in all of this is that I feel done (something I feared would never happen since I’m such a “baby person”). So the only transitions we have to deal with in the future are all of the many, many ways our four children grow and change…and that’s plenty for us :-)

Jennifer is a freelance writer, wife and mother of four.

Transitions....

I love reading all these different experiences and opinions about which transition is the hardest to make. I see that a lot of people say going from 2 to 3 was hardest for their family, but in our house, adding #3 was very easy! That may have been because by then, my older two were 6 and 4, so I'd had a bit of a break from that intense, up-all-night parenting. Also, William was an exceptionally easy baby. And, after a year of working full-time, I returned to work only part-time after he was born...and brought him along with me. I worked in an extremely family-supportive environment. It was also a time of excitement for me because I was launching my writing career. So...adding #3 was really pretty easy, though of course there were some adjustments to be made. Like, how do you hold three kids' hands in a busy place when you only have two hands?

Adding #4 was pretty easy, too, though Owen wasn't any kind of easy baby (quite the contrary!) and we had a two-year-old at the same time. First of all, our two-year-old was the aforementioned easy kid. And my husband took a year off of work to be an at-home dad, while I worked from home, giving us a lot of flexibility. Though Owen was certainly a challenging baby in many respects, we were both on hand to share the load, and there was a real sense of partnership that we didn't have quite as strongly with the other kids. Owen got just as used to going to sleep for, and being comforted by Daddy as he did for Mommy, so I didn't experience that touched-out, sucked-dry feeling that some mothers get when their babies are all mom, all the time.

And I can't say that going from 0 to 1 was that difficult, either! I have read essays by midcareer women who are used to having money, free time, independence, an identity, etc; and how difficult it can be to have a baby and lose that ability to go anywhere you want, do anything you want. But I was so young when I had my first that I had no money anyway; hadn't had time to develop a real sense of self, had no career, had done almost zero travelling (in-state road trips and camping notwithstanding), and had only been living out of my parents' home for a couple of years. So where was the adjustment? My husband and I went from sitting on our (hand-me-down) sofa eating microwave popcorn and watching movies for fun, to sitting on our sofa eating microwave popcorn and watching movies...with a baby. There was no lifestyle to give up; no real sacrifices to make except for sleep.

However. Going from 1-2, for me, was a real doozy. I'd become used to the life of a mother of one relatively easy baby...when you get him down for a nap, for example; that's it. No moving on to the other kid, or worrying that he'll wake the sleeping baby up. Carting one baby around to stores or restaurants is easy...not so much two, even if you are there with both parents. Since our older child was only two at the time, we had never really recovered from sleep deprivation, and had two kids in diapers at once. But then again, that's what we had with #3 and #4. And the personalities were similar--#1 and #3 easygoing babies, #2 and #4 challenging. So why was going from 3-4 so much easier?

Well, for one thing, I had a lot more support. I knew why to ask for help, when to ask for help, and who to ask for help. I knew it was important to make sure my husband was a true co-parent instead of always trying to take over and micromanage, and then becoming resentful and angry because I was so overwhelmed. I had good friends and took regular time for myself. I knew it would be important to me to be working on some creative, goal-oriented projects, so I made sure to make time for them. Our life circumstances were different, too--with #2 I was living in a third-story apartment in a new city where I didn't know anyone and there was nothing within walking distance. Oh, and it was winter. In Minnesota.

But if I had to say which was the most important difference, it wouldn't be where we lived, or who was home and who worked, or what my babies' personalities were like. It was me. By the time I was on #4, my expectations had changed. I no longer expected to get any time to myself (unless I planned for it and it happened away from home or I sent the kids elsewhere). If two kids happen to nap at once now, that's a pleasant surprise. Etc. I know I'm not the only one who's adjusted her expectations as she's added more kids to the family. I think it's a survival mechanism.

My husband and I have talked about adding a #5, but after such easy transitions with our two youngest, I'm a little afraid that our luck may have run out. Then again, I've heard from moms of really big families that after a certain point, kids--even babies--just kind of assimilate into the family without much fuss at all. I'm curious, but even if we decide to go for it, I don't think I want to find out just yet. There's a lot I miss about having just that one portable baby, so I wonder if waiting until my current youngest starts school wouldn't be the best transition of all. A singular baby to spoil all day until his (or maybe even HER) four hilarious, energetic, doting older brothers got off the bus. What a lucky kid that fantasy #5 would be!

--Meagan also blogs at Equilibrium.

Three + Four = Wild Times

When we adopted our third daughter in 2003, our lives were complete. Adding one child at a time, through adoption, had been a fairly easy process and daughter number three was the easiest one! Our sons were long gone into adulthood and two of them had children of their own. We enjoyed an active life, full of fabulous vacations, with both my husband and I having great careers. But when our eight year old daughter asked for eleven sisters from Africa, for Christmas, in 2005, we knew that our lives would never be the same.

Although we were successful in talking her out of wanting eleven sisters, she did convince us that we needed to take underwear to the children in Ethiopia, who lived in an orphanage. During the process of her collecting over 3,000 pair of underwear, we fell in love with a sibling group of four, who had recently come to the orphanage in Ethiopia. In a few short months, we went from a quiet life of having three children at home, ages 8, 10, and 10, to having seven children at home. The new kids were 21 months, 3, 5, and 6.5 years old. Overnight, our lives became one based on chaos and survival. No matter how many children we had provided respite care, or a temporary home, we were not prepared for this “pack” of children.

The first night home, they broke over 100 things in the house. It was like opening our doors to a pack of feral dogs that ran from one end of the house to the other breaking and smashing anything that lay in their paths. Meals was even worse, as I literally threw food on the table, as they leaped on the table and inhaled whatever I put out there. They ate like that every 2-3 hours. I was in a state of shock and exhaustion the first month that the children were in the U.S.

Now logically, I keep telling myself, that this was all due to the newness of our culture, our overabundance of food, their previous lives of deprivation, and anything else I could think of that would somehow make sense of this all.

After the first few weeks, we decided to focus on manners. We taught them how to eat while sitting in a chair, how not too leap across the table when they wanted more food, why we don’t spit on the floor if we don’t like something, why Americans use the toilet for urinating as opposed to any corner in the house, and how to wash hands and faces when they are dirty. We taught them that we don’t hit each other with sticks and that trying to poke each other’s eyes out was not acceptable behavior, plus it hurt really badly. It was a challenge and took many, many weeks before we were even remotely successful. We even sold the majority of the furniture, lamps, toys, collectibles and other unessential items in our house. It was all just too overwhelming for them.

After about eight months, life seemed almost normal. The older girls were recovering from the shock of the new additions. The new kids were settling in well and seemed pretty happy. Life was good again.

And then… we opened our home to another Ethiopian child, on a temporary basis. The newest child was three years old and he fit in pretty well in our family. However, I didn’t anticipate the reaction of the other “new” kids, who regressed back to their earlier feral days.

At this point, I realized, that perhaps seven children was my limit and that eight was just too over the top. I questioned my ability to parent all these children. It now felt like we had five three year olds, as all the Ethiopian children were at about the same level of maturity and neediness. We have resurgences of urinating and soon all five of them were wetting the beds every night. They all became obsessed with food and whether they would get enough, despite the continuation of them being fed every 2-3 hours. The older children were a bit depressed and wanted to move in with our friends. I wanted to move in with our friends!! I really wanted to move away!!

Our newest child came to us with multiple behavioral issues that we watched for like hawks but it never surfaced. Late one night, he asked if he could stay with us forever, and we knew we could not turn him away. The other “new” kids were not happy that we were going to adopt him, but we reiterated that we had enough love for everyone, and definitely had plenty of food. It was so hard for them, especially knowing what they had dealt with in Ethiopia.

The new guy has been with us for five months now and we finalized his adoption about five weeks ago. Each day gets better and better. I still question my ability to parent a brood of this size, however, we just returned from a week long vacation and I can proudly say that many people remarked over and over how well behaved and what exceptional manners our children displayed. It is hard to believe that just thirteen months ago, four of them were so wild and out of control.

At last, I feel that our life is complete and I appreciate the gifts that our newest children have given me –a simpler lifestyle, a heart for others, a much closer relationship with God, and lots of patience. Going from three to seven was hard. Harder than anything I have ever done in my life and I am not sure I could expand my family that quickly again. I still have some rough days. Fortunately my husband calls frequently from work to make sure the kids haven’t duct-tapped me to a tree or driven me completely off the deep end. But, so far, so good!


Read more about Sharon’s ever expanding, somewhat chaotic family at Hearts of Hope.

1 to 3

In my experience, 4 children are easy. 5 children are easy. 3 children are hard!

An unofficial survey seems to show that the hardest child to add to the family is child #3. No long is it "man on man" defense ("parent on child?"), you've entered the shaky realm of "zone" defense. It's time to change the game plan.

We went from 2 to 3 children in the span of 3 minutes. It's twins! ACK! Not to mention our oldest child was only 16 months old at the twin's birth. Double ACK! Although honestly I don't remember much of the twin's first year, I think my brain has suppressed those memories for my own sanity.

Here's my theory on why adding child #4, 5, etc is so much easier than #3. With 2 children, you can still get away with a regular car. A 3 bedroom house is plenty big, you may not even have a toy room yet. You have 2 hands, you can easily hold 2 children if necessary. "Family memberships" are geared to 2 adults, 2 children (a huge pet peeve of mine). Once you hit #3, you need a bigger vehicle, house space is tighter, you find yourself wondering how to hold 3 hands while crossing the street, and darn, you have to pay how much to add another child to the zoo membership?

But once you have all the logistics down for 3, 4 isn't hard. You have the bigger vehicle already, the bigger house (or maybe not but you'll learned to live with less space), you use baby carriers and your responsible oldest child to help while you are out, and you've found the one attraction in town where "family membership" actually means the whole family no matter how many children you have.

For us child #4 was especially easy after the twins. Only one baby to diaper and feed? Piece of cake! When my 5th child was born, I literally put another baby carseat in the van and that was it. I suspect there is another tiny adjustment when you outgrow your 7 passenger mini-van or SUV but we headed that off by buying a 12 passenger van sooner than later. Space for 10 children, ha!

Only I really don't recommend having 3 children within 16 months. It was hard. I think...



Katie Fleck is a stay at home mom of five, Zach (9 years), Emily and Ally (8 year old identical twins), Kyle (5 years), and Kelly (4 years old). On a quest for a self cleaning house and 27 hour days, she writes at Ramblings of a SAHM