Does birth order matter?
I have to admit that I've always been fascinated by the topic of birth order and how it plays (or doesn't) into personality, leadership qualities, academic acheivement...even intelligence. Growing up the youngest of four, but with various step-siblings, both younger and older, thrown in, I played the part of older and younger sib. And when I was twenty my dad and stepmother had a child, giving me plenty of opportunities since to say "Well, I USED to be the baby!" with a heavy sigh.
Fact is, I always rather liked my "youngest" status of the bio siblings, but I'm not sure it actually did much for me except maybe netting me more hand-me-downs and the benefit of slightly more mellow parents. Since my siblings spanned a decade, I was into movies and music from the 60s and 70s even though I really grew up in the 80s and 90s. I knew pop culture references from far before "my" time.
As for the supposed personality traits that go along with being the baby...I'm just not sure I buy it. I don't really think I'm inherently more flaky or irresponsible than my siblings, except perhaps my older brother Buck (second born) who is the very model of responsibility. I never thought of myself as a "free spirit" type. I'm musically inclined, but no more so than my brother John (second youngest). I'm certainly not more outgoing than my sister Kathreen (firstborn) though I may be more ambitious than she is. So...I'm inclined to think it's a bunch of hooey. But there's been an awful lot of time and money and research effort spent on the idea that birth order plays a part in how we behave as adults....perhaps even how smart we are, (though that most recent study apparently has its weaknesses.)
I watch my own kids for signs, but so far they are just contradictions in themselves. My oldest is sensitive and seems to feel a large amount of responsibility for the family, but he's not very academically inclined or ambitious. My second born is bright, matter-of-fact, and driven. My thirdborn is certainly no shrinking violet, and as a middle child doesn't seem in any danger of fading into the woodwork. My fourth is still a bit of a mystery, though he's got the adventurous and daring youngest thing going right now...of course, he IS only 19 months old. I don't want birth order to define my kids, and yet I find myself looking at them with curiosity wondering if they'll "fit" or not. Maybe parenting is so unpredictable that it's just nice to feel like I have some kind of model to base my expectations on. But then, that's silly: my kids are individuals, not numbers or placement stereotypes.
So what do you think? Does birth order play a role in a child's development and personality, and if so, is it nature, nurture or both? How has the birth order placement played out in your family? If you have adopted children, were you careful to adopt in birth order, or are you skeptical that it matters? I'm curious to hear what others think.
--Meagan also blogs here.
posted by Meagan Francis @ 9:24 PM
10 Comments:
Birth order was part of our parenting bible study a month or so ago, and while it was pretty interesting and some in our group seemed to relate, I honestly felt that, while some of the qualities applied to me, it wasn't "that" simple. I'm the youngest of two children, and my brother was definitely not shy or scared about taking the next step. I was very careful about what I did, of the choices I made (which is supposedly a first born trait), while he ran ahead, never scared of what he might come across or get into.
Now, my two preschoolers seem to be the opposite. My daughter (oldest) is not wild and crazy, my son is definitely a freespirit. However, he's soon to be a middle child, and I doubt we'll stop there.
While birth order DOES affect us, I dont think it molds our WHOLE entire personality as the Birth Order book (Lehman, I believe?) suggests.
I think it may play a part in each individual family - part of the whole environment. But I don't think it is something that can be pigeon-holed universally.
My children are growing personalities differently than me and my siblings did.
But it is interesting to watch.
Thanks for the links to those studies, by the way. Especially the slate.com article.
Blessings,
Karla
I have two younger brothers and we're each two years apart in age. We fit the birth order theory. I was academically-minded, outgoing and an overall achiever. My next younger brother was the mediator -- trying to balance personalities in the family. My youngest brother is a clown, and was particularly irresponsible as a teen.
I can't yet speak for my own family, though my 27-month-old does seem to be going the academic route. His brother and sister are due in the fall and I'm curious how that will play out with regard to birth order.
I love birth order! :-) I don't think it's an exact science, but I have seen lots of instances where it does play in to my family of origin. We have 4 children, all adopted. Our oldest is the youngest in his birthfamily. Our second & fourth were added most recently & are the 5th & 6th youngest in their bio families. Our third was added to our family second & was the baby here for 3 1/2 years. He is now in the same position in our family as he is in his bio family--2 older brothers, one younger sister. I love pondering how birth order plays into things.
Angela :-)
I'm fascinated with the subject of birth order. I don't think it necessarily defines personality, but I think it does have more or less impact depending on the family/environment a child is raised in. I'm the oldest of two married to the youngest of two and it's striking to see the similarities between my husband and younger sister and myself and his older brother (ugh, and I really don't like his brother at all). Now I'm watching my own three, each a little over three years apart, and wondering how/if they will fit their birth order profile. I also wonder how adding a fourth would or would not change things both in sibling interaction and in their personalities. Though that hasn't been incentive enough to push me over the edge on the decision about #4, LOL!
This is going to be a very interesting subject to read about here. I look forward to what mums-of-many have to say.
As a mother of 11, eight of whom were adopted (all out of birth order), I believe that birth order does affect a person's personality to an extent. We choose to consider birth order struggles to be "opportunities for character growth", particularly since we have six "first born" daughters (all from different biological families). Their current ages are 14, 16, 16, 17, 17 and 20, with the younger five still at home. When people inquired about us adopting out of birth order, we assured them that we felt those were definitely children God had chosen for our family and that He did not adhere to the books and theories regarding birth order.
Yes, we have had struggles which were likely related to birth order issues, but they have all been wonderful opportunities to help our children work through challenges which help prepare them for adulthood.
Thanks for weighing in, guys! I actually wrote my most recent column about that study, and I'll link to it here: http://hub.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070711/NOISE18/707110301/1149/HUB
I just found your blog tonight and funny that this should be the entry that I read first b/c this is a topic that comes up in our home often. We have a 3.5 and 1.5 year old boys. Oldest is bio and youngest is adopted and yet the only child in his bio family (which he was never with, but yet he is still the oldest). We have considered adopting out of birth order and some people tell us we shouldn't. BUT we also believe that if God has a child chosen for our famly that is not in the correct "order" that he somehow knows what he is doing and what is best for us.
Like your blog. Will read some more.
I'd like to hear more about adopting out of birth order...
I find it fascinating that each of my children exhibited their specific birth order traits from the moment they were placed with us - even though the second and third child didn't join their siblings for two more weeks! But while we had them alone in China, we could still see "typical" traits of the Middle child and Baby!
I also find this subject interesting as an only child!
I am 1 of 7 children. I have always found birth order and personalities to be fascinating. I do believe that birth order does have an impact even in large families. Of course there are always things that can affect the outcome. For example, I am the exact middle. #4. And that shows very strongly in who I am. I also tend to to have a lot of 1st born tendencies. Most of my siblings are less than 2 years apart but there is a 5 year gap between my 3rd born sibling and myself. I am the middle child but the oldest of the 'second half' of the children. I am a dominant middle child but still have a lot of tendencies of a first born.
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